


when you're near me (darling can't you hear me)

by happhys



Series: ghost [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Betrayal, F/F, F/M, Grief, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:28:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24224350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happhys/pseuds/happhys
Summary: They've been with her as long as she can remember. Now she has no one.
Relationships: Jemma Simmons/Grant Ward, Melinda May/Grant Ward, Melinda May/Jemma Simmons, Melinda May/Jemma Simmons/Grant Ward
Series: ghost [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1748452
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	when you're near me (darling can't you hear me)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Restricted Work] by [ferryboatsandbowie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferryboatsandbowie/pseuds/ferryboatsandbowie). Log in to view. 



They’ve been with her for as long as she can remember. _Stay low_ across her left wrist. _Stay with me_ over her right…

Now she has no one.

She hears their voices when the lights are out and all the other agents are fast asleep.

She tosses.

_You’re beautiful_...

She turns.

… _I will always love you_.

She’s already awake. There’s no use in putting off the inevitable.

Jemma curls in on herself, aching from her stomach to her thighs. She lays uncomfortably in a bed far too large to accommodate her tiny frame, the water bottle on her side having turned tepid some time ago.

She washes a hand over the space beside her. It’s all she can do to bask while all the competing grievances beg her to stay. They take turns whispering in her ears like sinners in confession. 

Her eyes flit from the sheets that overwhelm her to the neon numbers on her bedside, blinking away one hour to the next. 

The clock reads five twenty. He’ll be awake soon. It’s time she got up, too.

Her legs are burning when she kicks them out from under the covers—she can’t think about it, not with so much to do. The brain doesn’t discriminate between physical and emotional pain. She knows it’s all in her head.

But it doesn’t matter. None of it matters. Not when everything _hurts_.

Melinda is still on a plane somewhere, still on a mission. She’s still alone. Grant is still a traitor. She’s still picking up after all the fragments he left behind.

She’s still _bleeding_.

The untimely arrival of her period only drives the evidence further into view. Life moves on and so should she.

The Playground is all but silent as she sets about her morning ritual of tea at the monitor. She just watches him in wait, never knowing how long it’s been. Sometimes she stays for thirty minutes… Others, an hour or two. On the worst of days she loses track completely. 

Jemma needs to see what he is now so that she might separate him from what they had.

His hair. His scars. His eyes.

What she wants is a cover. A _ghost_.

A disposable end for the means of the man who tried to kill her.

Who lied to her.

Who loved her.

He’s only ever succeeded in her dreams. Their most intimate words linger on his tongue as he sucks the marrow from her soul. Absent fingers tug her sleeves to cover them, as if he could see her through the monitor. She hisses as the dressing on her wrist catches.

_Stay with me_...

She wanted them gone. She wanted him dead under her nails… She failed, so they remain.

Under the bandage. Under her healing skin. She can still feel him as if he really existed. 

But she knew otherwise. Melinda was her only truth.

Gripping at the words on her left, it’s a poor substitute for the real thing. She misses her desperately. She’d _miss_ her desperately. By the time she came home, Jemma would be long gone. 

They were two ships passing in the night.

Her first. 

Her only.

_…stay low_.

She doesn’t react when Director Coulson takes a seat beside her, coffee in hand.

“Late night?” he asks.

She shrugs, her eyes barely leaving the screen. “I managed to get three hours in.”

Coulson takes a sip from the mug, noting her progress. Perhaps he even comments on it. She’s too preoccupied by Ward’s morning exercises to notice or care. His movements mesmerize her as she searches for the tiniest deviation to his regimen... Any sign he might know what she’s up to.

“Simmons.”

Jemma doesn’t have to listen to understand. She is abundantly aware of the gravity of her situation. 

She follows the sound of his voice, remembering her courtesies. “I know.”

“You wanna go down there?”

“Go down there...”

She cuts herself off with a laugh that threatens to ruin her. She frowns against the hollow echo, too exhausted to come off as angry as she felt. “Isn’t it bad enough that Melinda is away?”

His expression is blank as he looks anywhere else. “My mistake.”

“Am I to go now?”

“If there’s nothing else?”

“There’s nothing.”

He nods. “Everything’s checked out. All you have to do is show up.”

She rises, leaving behind her empty cup. 

“He had all of us fooled, you know. Don’t go blaming yourself just because he’s your soulmate.”

His words halt her steps but she doesn’t give in to them. “Sir.”

If she wavers, she dies.

**Author's Note:**

> \+ five years and this is where we've landed. how are we doing? how are we feeling? 
> 
> \+ this is a dinosaur i fully intend on finishing before next year. i'm genuinely mortified it's taken so long but i was struck with inspiration and finally have my ending. i am so flipping hyped to share with you all!!
> 
> \+ tags will be added as we go so please let me know if you need anything accommodated!


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